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Favourite sex position: Doggy – he's assertive.
What their profile picture looks like: “Modelling" his own clothing line with his gang gang – all posed on different levels, of course.
Deepest insecurity: Realising they sound like every other South London rapper there is.
Celeb inspiration: Loyle Carner How he will fuck you over: Say he needs to focus on his career as a rapper.
They also carry around a big carry on bag like they're just off to Ayia Napa at any moment but I'm pretty sure they're just popping to the shop. How he will fuck you over: Gets so mortal he thinks he's pulling you, but it's actually someone else. Favourite sex position: Whatever it is, they're going to be a hundred miles an hour. What their profile picture looks like: Sitting down at a VIP section of a club with loads of drinks on the table. Their Tinder bio: Snapchat: newcastleguy1 What they wear: Roll necks, jumpers, scarves, fuckboy glasses and Canada Goose.
What they do on the weekend: Read philosophers by the warm fire. Deepest insecurity: Going out with someone from “new money". How he will fuck you over: Say you're on different “intellectual" levels. What their profile picture looks like: They're at an art gallery, staring longingly at a Matisse.
Their Tinder bio: “I'm love sick and sick of this love game." What they wear: Cream chinos, black jeans, nice Ralphies and a blazer. How he will fuck you over: He'll send a picture of you and rate you in his boys' group chat. What their profile picture looks like: Professional pic of him in the club, in the middle of two mates who look identical to him, with his shirt open. Boys from Surrey will either tell you they're from London or pretend to live a “proper" countryside lifestyle.
What they do on the weekend: Play rugby, go to watch the rugby, talk about rugby. What they wear: Quilted jackets, cream Ralph Lauren pullovers, wayfarers and wellies.
What they wear: Unheard of sports brands, with names like “11 degrees". Celeb inspiration: Aaron or Gaz from Geordie Shore.
What they wear: Carhartt, Nike Air Max 95, chains, (ironic) football shirts.
What they do on the weekend: Filming concept videos for Instagram.
Deepest insecurity: Not earning enough money in their life to own a 4×4.
Celeb inspiration: Kem from Love Island How he will fuck you over: Cheat on you on a boys' night out. What their profile picture looks like: A picture of him looking smart at the top of the Shard. Their Tinder bio: “Work hard, play harder" These fuckboys are the last true relic of metrosexuality in Britain.