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secular dating is all about feeling good in the moment, and long-term commitment is not part of the picture, at least in the beginning.

The single people of faith that I know, especially Catholics, want someone who will be in it for the long run — marriage for life — with all the sacrifice it entails.

I have found that in big single Catholic circles people are so aware of commitment that asking someone on a date is sometimes perceived as akin to a marriage proposal.

The prevailing thought seems to be “Leading someone on is a terrible sin, so you’d better be quite sure you could marry her before asking her out for coffee.”The only explanation I can think of for this scenario is that Catholic culture has tried to swing so far away from the secular world of hook-ups and serial one night stands that it has found itself in a weird commitment-heavy wasteland, where single Catholics are stuck forever chatting in group settings (with nary a chance of a one-on-one date until both are assured the other is happen to go on a date with another single Catholic — like, maybe after Mass you both magically stand in line for donuts and strike up a conversation, or maybe you discover someone online — you still run into some strange situations.

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And they want this to be on the table from the very start.

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